Update

I have been pretty exhausted lately and drowning in my own misery.  What exactly can I do to cheer myself up?  Absolutely nothing.  I feel like that i am at a point in my life where I can either destroy everything or save everything.  But the choice is rather hard considering I don't know what exactly I should do.  Should I continue and try making everyone happy or should I buckle down and demand what I want from life.  Life can be rather interesting, especially with moments like these.  I tried slowing things down to finally figure out what exactly I'm doing wrong or missing in life.  But, slowing down only brought more problems to the surface.  This is the exact reason why I love being busy all the time, because emotional stuff like this can drive a person nuts.  I'm pretty tired and would love to have some ice coffee right now to go with this miserable rainy day.  Who knows, maybe one day I might get what I always wished for.  That's probably the day where I finally find my place in the world.  I gotta admit, even though I hate life, I still love him.